Why Women Quit - Part Two
Part one of this discussion focused on some of the wider societal reasons for high attrition rates of women working in technology, such as the expectation that women still own the domestic realm, and how this clashes with the expectations of the tech sector of round the clock availability for work, self-improvement and volunteering. We now turn to more toxic attitudes.
Attitudes to women's time pale into insignificance when considered alongside attitudes to women more generally among a still considerable proportion of men who work in technology. It's very easy to assume that in the post #Metoo era, the sexism endured by previous generations of women working in tech is a relic of the past. Current research, as discussed in part one of this article, suggests this is wishful thinking. Research compiled in 2020 found almost half of women working in tech had experienced harassment, compared to 11 per cent of men, and 70 per cent said they had been treated differently due to their gender. The same report found that men believed that #MeToo had made a positive impact, whereas women had found the opposite.
Be authentic - but not too authentic
This mismatch between what men think is happening to women and what is actually happening to women fits a much broader societal pattern. Women still aren't being believed when we explain that we aren't being treated fairly, and the aggressive, macho 'tech bro' behaviour that many high-profile tech companies claim that they want to stamp out is exactly the same behaviour they reward when deciding who to raise up. Tech companies emphasise the importance of diversity and inclusion in their ESG reports and press releases, but there is a layer of predominantly male middle management that hasn't got the message. This was the experience of one woman with 15 years of experience of the enterprise technology solution marketplace:
"The leadership team absolutely bought into the diversity and inclusion culture that they're talking about publicly. And people at the bottom of the rung, all of the individual contributors, and probably that management layer above that also all bought into this. The problem is the next layer, the middle layer. That hasn't bought in at all and is still full of toxic behaviour."
Speaking with many women employed in tech, most of them high achievers, over the course of the last few months has led me to conclude that, among much of the tech sector, there is a gulf between executive aspirations for a more diverse workforce and the reality of building an inclusive workplace. Women, particularly women of colour, are endlessly advised to "bring their authentic selves to work" but when they do so they're often judged, belittled and even humiliated. Whilst working in a junior role at a technology sales organisation I was once ordered out of a team meeting by my male manager for looking "sullen." My interpretation of this was that my authentic self wasn't really what they were looking for.
What women so often hear in tech is a message telling them to be authentic - but not too authentic. I've heard numerous examples of how this subtle but nonetheless clear message comes through to women. One was told that she spoke too quickly and appeared to lack gravitas. Another was told she didn't have to compensate for being physically petite and having English as her second language by talking loudly. Yet another was told she was too bubbly for a development role. This leads to covering behaviour, where women tone down certain aspects of their personality in order to try and fit in. Until women's authentic voices can be heard, attempts to improve the diversity of technology workplaces will fail, and if tech employers think that they're hearing the truth about what women experience whilst working for them now, they're kidding themselves.
"Why didn't you say something?"
So often, when women cite historical examples of aggression or harassment in the workplace, responses from employers tend to be along the lines of, "Why didn't you say something?" But when women do just that, their responses are perceived as aggressive or emotional. That was the case for this product manager, who recently switched one enterprise technology employer for another:
"I had created a kind of a solution space, all the documentation and materials. I got asked to go into a meeting with a couple of the technical leads, but when I arrived there were three of them to just ask me about it. They started being really aggressive with me. Really aggressive questioning like ‘Why did you do it like that when you could have done it like this? What was your thinking?' It was really attacking. I said, ‘I'm going to stop you right now because I feel like I'm being attacked in this meeting. We either moderate that or I leave.' I got pulled up in my end of year review for being too emotional. And that was the example that was cited. I think women spend a lot of time covering. I did."
In addition to the fear that they will be perceived as being aggressive or emotional for calling out toxic behaviour, women often stay silent because they don't think they will be believed or backed up by male colleagues. Sadly, this fear is completely rational as the experiences of the product manager quoted above, who went on to be effectively bullied out of her job, illustrates.
"I had three members of the senior leadership team call me separately and say, ‘We can see what's happening to you that you're being marginalised and that you're in a boys club, but I don't feel like I can do anything about it without putting myself in danger."
So much for the allyship training.
Toxic tech bros
More men are speaking out for women in tech workplaces. In the light of #MeToo, many men working in the sector have done some considerable soul searching about their roles in sustaining the Tech Bro culture that drives women out. Many men have heard women when we explain that not getting involved in banter we find objectifying and demeaning isn't enough: we need you to call other men out on this behaviour, too. Sadly, not everyone's on board:
"My boss, at least every other month or so would find a way to mention that his wife was a model and was very beautiful. He told me this because he wanted me to know that the value he placed in women was in the way they look."
This slightly more subtle variant of the tech bro culture serves as an example of the language used to belittle women and remind us (as if we needed reminding) that we're in the minority in tech workplaces. It also serves as further evidence of the gap between the oft-stated aspirations for greater diversity and the experiences of people on the ground.
If technology companies genuinely want more diverse work forces, then they need to dedicate far more resource to creating genuinely inclusive workplaces. Initiatives like unconscious bias or allyship training can be helpful, but are only a starting point. It means treating diversity and inclusion as part of core strategy, not as a special interest to be headed up on a voluntary basis by a woman, supporting those who do speak out and considering very carefully the behaviour that you reward. Until you do, you will dedicate considerable resource trying to employ more women, only for them to quit a few years later.