Microsoft orders OEMs to 'be more cool' to sell more Windows 10

Beige boxes are 'out'; PCs and devices that look like Macs are 'in'

Microsoft has told PC makers and other device manufacturers building products based on Windows 10 to sex-up their products to make them more attractive to potential buyers.

According to slides from a presentation given to OEMs last year, Microsoft is insistent that Windows 10 is 'cool' and that OEMs need step-up their game by making devices that are similarly 'cool'.

The fact that no-one has used "cool" in this context since about 1976 rather sets the tone here.

Microsoft watcher Mary Jo-Foley spilled the beans, this time on a presentation from the WinHEC 2016 conference held in Shanghai, China last December.

"Cool" (differentiated designs that drive purchase intent) refers to the form factors here, with words like "ultraslim", "2-in-1", "AIO", "FHD", "IPS", "Precision Touchpad", "Borderless" and "hinge design" being thrown about on the slide by Microsoft.

It goes on to talk about "experiences" - features limited to newer devices, such as Windows Hello, Cortana and Touch & Pen.

The final piece of the puzzle is performance, which, it is said will "drive long-term device satisfaction" - suggestions include fast start, long (10hr+) life battery, image quality and universal app pinning.

We have had a chat and we certainly agree that we associate universal app pinning with putting on our baseball caps backwards, drinking oversized cans of energy drink and listening to Calvin Harris. Rad, man.

Microsoft told the 140 vendors of Windows machines in the Shenzhen industrial zone that their goal was still to have "one billion people loving Windows 10 every single day".

Despite statistics showing it has hit the quarter market share point in January (it so hasn't really), Windows 10 is still a way behind its 2018 target for this, but watch out in the Spring when Windows recommends aiming at the "Dads and Grads" which is, you know, about as cool as it gets. Older men, and people who aren't students anymore. Cool.

As MJF points out - throughout all this marketing guff, there's no mention of Windows 10 Mobile and let's face it, if there's one thing that's definitely not "cool", it's Windows Mobile. Kevin, mate, we love you, but you may well be tilting at windmills this year.