Trump's best tweets of 2018

clock • 9 min read

The stable genius' highlights of 2018

I'LL BE HONEST. When I first pitched ranking Donald Trump's most gloriously batshit tweets of the year, I didn't realise quite how prolific he is. Like background music you can quite tune out, the president's tweets all seem to blend into one long string of bitterness and bragging. In fact, he's tweeted 3,275 times this year, at the time of writing.

That's 9.6 tweets per day and comes to a grand total of 100,740 words. For what it's worth, that's about 10 per cent longer than Trump's magnum opus: The Art of the Deal. Only, y'know, Trump actually wrote these.

The point is that what features below is around 0.5 per cent of his total output for the year. This is it: the creme de la merde. Only the most batshit, paranoid and downright unhinged tweets needed apply.

So let's get cracking.

Stat Attack

Before I get started, here are some word counts to whet your palette:

  • "Democrats" - 226
  • "Fake news" - 153
  • "Witch hunt" -  117
  • "MAGA" - 102
  • "Obama" - 102
  • "Clinton" - 71
  • "Mueller" - 63
  • "Best" - 59
  • "Foxandfriends" - 54
  • "Rigged" - 48
  • "Crooked Hillary" - 46
  • "Unfair" - 44
  • "Tremendous" - 40
  • "CNN" - 38
  • "Smart" - 37
  • "Worst" - 29
  • "Putin" - 19
  • "Pence" - 14
  • "Stormy Daniels" - 1
  • "Toad" - 0  

And now on to the main event…

INQ's Confveve awards for twatty Trump tweets

To summarise: Donald Trump hired somebody he had previously fired three times before, only to hear repeatedly that she was useless. Was she fired immediately? Well, no, because she said "GREAT" things about him. For some reason, the President felt this reflected well enough on his managerial acumen to broadcast. Still, at least he understands economics:

You really, really can.

Nothing to see here. Just the 72-year-old President of the United States fantasising about a fist fight with a 76-year-old political opponent.

The people of 1692 Salem might take slight issue with this being described as the "greatest witch hunt in American history", but hey ho.

Can we talk about Trump's use of quotation marks? He puts them in the strangest places. In this case, I think he may genuinely believe the USA accepted payment for a building in legumes.

Aside from the amusing fact that Trump's own restaurants have frequently drawn slapped wrists from health inspectors, you can't really focus on not serving somebody.

"Are you kidding? I love soccer! Especially the throw-ins". This man has never watched a football match in his life, up to and including the 2018 World Cup.

Wonderfully in a tweet accusing somebody of having a low IQ, this was a second take, as he managed to spell ‘too' wrong the first time.

Weirdly Osama Bin Laden only gets a mention in the introduction of the 2000 book, and not once in the whole chapter on terrorism, so it's a strange way of pointing him out. Still, even if Bin Laden were "captured" (somebody ought to tell him), we suspect the US military might have proved more effective at making him talk, given Donald's interrogation efforts two years later:

"Sorry" isn't a word that comes up much in the 3,275 tweets, so you'll just have to imagine this one being said sincerely.

Ah, but we did once.

And what a golden age it was.

On the surface of it, it might seem like an outright denial, but really it could be exonerating any one of 45 people, only six of whom were alive at the time of the tweet.

The one thing you want in a President is stability, that's for sure...

Oh Jesus, he's found the iPhone's capslock key. Still, good to see he does actually read his replies:

Bonus entry: Typically, Trump couldn't help but post a late challenger just as I was wrapping this up, so feast your eyes on this gem not included in the earlier stats:

Not only was Rex Tillerson in place for 14 months, making him a comparative veteran by Trump standards, but… well, it's best to let the tweets do the talking.

It's a four-act play I like to call "Rex Bomb."

Act 1:

Act 2:

Act 3:

Act 4:

Fin. µ

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