I was talking to a friend the other day about the horrors of the high street. It’s an interesting topic for me because I haven’t been to one since Christmas Eve last year. On that occasion I was forced to run around like a headless chicken.

It was a terrible ordeal. What do you buy an aunt that has just been released from prison? Slippers, snuff, Prisoner of Cell Block H DVD collections? I opted for a cardigan. Well, she is an 86-year-old woman.

That Christmas was interesting. Not least of all because auntie attempted to stage a riot over both her cardy and her “intolerable conditions”. There were many other stand-out occasions during the season, which is why I’m not particularly looking forward to it coming around again.

But it is. Apparently, there are Christmas lights up, and trees in windows. It’s only just the start of November, isn’t it? Or should I be out there, panic buying already? Did I sleep through autumn? Snooze my way deep into December? I hope not, I’ve been watching Heroes! What have I missed?

OK, it is November, but this year I decided to get an early start on the season. I, like a couple of other people recently, have splashed out on shares in one of those social networking sites. I bought a largish share and will give half away to friends and family at Christmas, and keep half. I intend to auction off my half to businesses as part of a time-share scheme. The highest bidders will be able to limit staff access to the site to a pre-alloted time.

So, a firm that buys a large chunk will be entitled to a prime slot, like lunchtime. A firm that comes in low is likely to end up with something like 5am, which, frankly, is pretty useless.

I’ve spoken to some venture capitalists about my idea, and even approached The Dragons’ Den ­ albeit from behind a riot shield. No one was interested. Funny that, I thought PotentialMonkeyOwnersIntheHomeCountiesbook.com was a sure-fire hit.

The idea behind my scheme, however, must be a winner. To be able to siphon off a connection to a particular site, because it is partly yours, must be the Holy Grail of workplace internet access control.

I read recently about a growing trend among companies for creating internal cybercafés ­ a few desktops wrapped within a wireless connection that staff can use at lunchtime. At first, I thought this was a terrible idea, something of a desperate last resort. But now I think that it is a great decision, and possibly the start of something big. I expect to see many more companies joining the party.

At least until they find a better way of controlling access.