Comical plans leave IT frowning

They say that when you think you're the smartest person in the company it's time to leave, so Comcast staff could be forgiven for leaving in droves as their executive leaders seek to acquire Disney.

Some geniuses might look at the closest recent precedent, AOL-Time Warner, recognise it as a disaster and walk away. Not Comcast, which sees a blinding future in combining its high-speed data links with Disney's content. Obviously, somebody forgot to change the convergence record.

Still, even if David Brent reminded us that there is no "I" in team, IT remains a core component in absurdity. Comcast-Disney got me thinking about other misguided notions. So here is my list of Fashionable But Daft Technology Decisions.

1. Outsource everything that moves. Falling revenues or profits? Damaged brand? Stock market taking a dim view? Or just want to show the chief exec that you're a thrusting IT department that views technology as a commodity? Hell, let's outsource it. You get a short, sharp cash injection so who cares about security, team building and intellectual property ownership?

2. Outsource everything that moves - abroad. Got the outsourcing bug but want to get the bonus point by showing you're bang up to date with the latest trend? Want to demonstrate you can take lean, mean decisions that bring a tear to the FD's eye? So howzabout outsourcing the whole call-centre shebang to that land of high skills, low pay and no pesky staff management issues. Hey, come on, don't be a Little Englander or a sop to the lefty union bosses: Someplace else is where it's happening!

3. Make a big strategic investment in wireless client devices. Why wait for standards to evolve and winners to emerge? Whether its Symbian, Microsoft, Java, Linux or Uncle Tom Cobley, you can get a headstart NOW by building applications and skills that will work well with ONE of the above. And when you come to deploying again on a different platform in a year's time, you'll have great experience!

4. Take a free-and-easy approach to staff IT usage. Show the bright young things of your company that you understand that the modern workplace must resemble a fun games arcade/wendy-house/creche. DON'T attempt to fence off personal email usage, games, downloading etc. Think of everything you'll learn about viruses and spyware and your next stop will be chief security officer.

5. Skip due diligence. So you haven't bothered checking on the company you're about to invest a lot of money in. You don't know their financial status, the experience of their management team or the likelihood they will be acquired any day now. That's great, just as long as they have slipped a couple of copies of their breakthrough software through to a US blue-chip that evaluates anything, that'll do nicely.

6. Stick to your knitting. Why get hung up on broad business issues such as corporate governance and data privacy? It's none of your business and there's no way you will ever be held accountable like those C-level executives.

7. Act like staffing shortages will never arise again. After all, those ITers came running back after the dot-com boom ended, and what chance is there that there will ever be a real upturn in the economy?

That's all folks!