NICE TRY OF THE MONTH

"Men need no longer fear the pain of having a vasectomy" declares my favorite press release of this month. Reading on, I discover that the majority of patients questioned in a recent survey say all that is required to alleviate post-snip discomfort is a couple of aspirin.

According to the survey, although 48 per cent of patients experienced a moderate level of pain, none felt the need to visit their GP for strong pain killers. 53 per cent of those questioned treated their pain with everyday painkillers, while 24 per cent needed nothing at all.

"Rubbish," declares Dave, the new media bloke sitting opposite. "My mate had a vasectomy and one of his whatsits swelled up to the size of an orange.

Colour of an orange too, according to his wife."

"I can vouch for that," exclaims editorial assistant/angel of mercy Sophie, launching into a tale of visiting a friend's husband in hospital who, still suffering from the effects of anesthesia, slipped back the bedclothes to allow the assembled group of visitors to view his post-operative appendage.

Before you can say paracetemol the entire office is relaying increasingly gruesome tales of operations endured and 'personal discomfort' where the sun don't shine.

At this point I wondered why this particular press release landed on Infomatics editorial in the first place. The answer? SPSS software was used to produce the pie charts and graphs.