HOW TO SPEND IT - COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS CASH

Whatever happened to the December we used to know and love? The long lazy lunches, the big boozy nights out. The nipping in and out of the office to phone a few favourite clients and wish them season's greetings before sloping off early to the pub. What happened to the elongated wind-down to Christmas which began as soon as the office party memo was circulated some time in November and was mirrored by clients and prospects alike?

Now there's a sinking feeling, as more and more companies announce their intention to "remain operational" at Christmas and the realisation dawns that you're likely to be closing a deal on Christmas Eve and back in on Boxing Day to write up the paperwork.

Still, there is one popular end-of-year tradition which remains. The advent of which keeps even the most world-weary employee going when the boss has already left for St. Lucia: The Christmas Bonus. You've worked for it, you've earned it and by golly you're going to spend it! So, reclaim your Christmas this year and take a little time out in December to anticipate blowing the lot. Infomatics has an idea for every day until Christmas on how to spend it

25 DAYS TO GO AND 25 WAYS TO SPEND IT

1. Bung it in a band: lottery winner Lee Ryan recently invested a cool half million in wannabe girl band All Saints and stands to make a fortune if they follow the fortunes of the Spice Girls. Nice way to get yourself backstage at gigs, too.

2. Indulge your need for speed. Spend a day in a whirl at Brands Hatch (#119) or training to drive a 32ft powerboat at Southampton (#200). Or go supersonic on Concorde; take a special exhibition flight out over the Atlantic in a circle and then back to Heathrow from #1,395 for two. (Freephone 0800 634 5555)

3. Climb every mountain. Or just the mother and father of all mountains: Everest. For $40,000 (plus insurance and flight) OTT Exhibitions will take you to the summit of Mount Everest in 1999. OTT provides training, sustenance and sherpers and boasts 25 satisfied clients between the ages of 23 and 53. If you feel a sudden spot of vertigo coming on, for #1,995 you can pussyfoot around the peaks in the Everest area and simply lie to your colleagues. Call OTT on 01142 588508.

4. Suits you Sir. Pop down to Saville Row for the full inside leg treatment. "Fits like a glove, Sir." You can spend from about #400 to #10,000. Think of the smug self-satisfied grin that will spread across your face when you next observe the cheap cloth bedecking your nastiest prospect.

5. Give it all away like media mogul Ted Turner who recently sent a spare billion he had lying around to the United Nations and is reported to have said that being a billionaire is really no different from having average sex. Hmmm. Well, even if money can't buy love it can buy a lot of things, so spare a thought for those less fortunate and call your favourite charity, credit card at the ready.

6. Splash out on a four-legged friend. You can "own" an African or Indian elephant for a year if you're prepared to part with #6,000 for its food and upkeep. Howlett's Wild Animal Park runs a wild animal sponsorship scheme where you can buy into anything from a Burmese Python to a monkey, starting at #30 a unit. To sponsor a tiger for a year would cost #3,000, a wolf #600, a Lowland gorilla #1500 and a boa constrictor is a snip at #250! Call Howletts on 01227 721286.

7. Be Eric the King for a day. Fulfill that secret ambition to run out on the pitch at Anfield, at Old Trafford, at Highbury and live a day in the life of a Premiership footballer. Top venues, top nosh, a tour of the ground and a proper training session with a professional player are on offer with Amazing Day's "day in the life" package. Liverpool (Alan Kennedy), Arsenal (Brian Marwood, Lee Dixon), Manchester Utd (Arthur Aldiston) and Leicester City (Alan Birchenall) are the clubs on offer; #99 the price. If football ain't your game there are "day in the life" packages for rugby and cricket fans, held at Twickenham and Lords with Gareth Chilcott and Mike Gatting respectively.

8. Buy them a round. A round of golf that is. Try swanky championship courses like St. Andrews, Royal St. Lytham or the Royal Troon Golf Club with your friends. A round at Royal Troon costs #110. Call 01293 562944.

9. Posh Pecs. Invest four figures in your figure. Swankiest of the lot is the Harbour Club in Chelsea, which has a six month waiting list, so full memberships trade for #2,700 each with an additional monthly subscription of #106.75 (see page 16).

10. Blow it all on a nose job. If the Manilow/Streisand jibes still haunt you, your bonus might stretch to a pert new hooter. A nip here, a tuck there, you could be straight out of Slough and well on your way to that Baywatch beach. Call the British Association of Cosmetic surgeons 0171 323 5728 for a recommendation.

11. See it in style. The best seats at Centre Court for the Wimbledon Men's Final go for #3,500 a pair. Tickets for next year's British Grand Prix cost #500 a pair, with an extra #300 per person if you fancy flying in by helicopter. Call Ticketshop on 0171 4890573.

12. Take ten friends to the Test Match. A private glass-fronted hospitality suite to see England V South Africa costs around #300 a head and holds ten. And that includes "hospitality". Beats lounging in front of the telly with a six pack. Call Ticketshop on 0171 4890573.

13. Make famous friends at least for the night. Have someone organise you your own big event, complete with celebrity speaker. Damon Hill will set you back #10,000 plus, Tim Henman between #5,000 and #10,000, Frank Skinner and Nick Berry around #12,000 but Botham's good value at #7,500. Alternatively go for a bit of girl power with Ulrika Johnsson or Joanna Lumley, both charge around #12,000. Not everyone's for hire, of course, but if you're feeling somewhat cash rich this year you may want to take a tip from the world's richest man, the Sultan of Brunei, who simply bombards celebrities with cash until they agree to grace him with their presence. Well, if it worked with Michael Jackson, it ought to work with Liz and Hugh, right? Head to Head organise corporate and private events. Call 0181 893 7766.

14. Feel the G-Force. Fly a MiG-21 'Top Gun' Fighter Jet in Russia! For a mere #3,750 you can take off with a top pilot from a secret location somewhere near Moscow and come about as close as you ever will to being Tom Cruise. (Call Red Letter Days on Freephone 0800 634 5555)

15. Smell filthy rich. Exclusive to Harrods in Knightsbridge, London, is a silver, gilt and onyx boxed set of male and female fragrances specially blended by master Parisian parfumier Guy Robert. Two 120ml bottles of "Amouage", French for "more money than sense" or rather scents, will set you back a cool #4,600. You won't be leaving that one out on your desk in a hurry.

16. Smell slightly less rich. If your commission won't stretch to Amouage, how about 'Lalique' by Lalique? Cunningly presented in a lalique bottle, 100ml of Eau de Parfum for men will set you back #425.

17. Pig out in style. Harrods' top-of-the-range 'supreme' hamper costs #1000 but includes a whole ham. And a whole duck. And champagne, whisky, chocolate, caviar, Christmas cake, Christmas pudding, luxury crackers, port, in fact enough food to feed your entire sales force for a week - not that you'd let any of them within a mile of it.

18. Camelot reports that the top three things lottery winners spend their money on are holidays, property and helping out their friends. Why not treat a friend in need? Pay off their backlog of video shop fines or give them some of your dog-eared luncheon vouchers: think of the pleasure you'll get from their smiling faces as your hard-earned bonus spreads happiness across your social group. On the other hand ...

19. Make them show your movie. The National Film Theatre will show a film of your choice on a date of your choice and give you ten tickets to the showing plus a written dedication. The ultimate for control freaks! All you need is NFT membership (#11.95) and then it costs #84 to choose your own 'Desert Island Movie'. Film showings must be booked four months in advance and January's personal selections include Bladerunner, Evita and Billy the Kid. Call the NFT 'Desert Island Movies' on 0171 815 1308.

20. Give your dog a break and send it to a hotel. Leave your lap dog (or cat) in the lap of luxury at the Blue Grass Animal Hotel. With bell-hops to carry pets to their rooms, a cordon bleu pet chef and four poster beds, your Rover may never return. Prices start at #5 per night for a cat, #12 for a dog. Tel: 01606 891303

21. Alter your image. Go for a complete image makeover: have your hair styled, professional make up (yes, even for a bloke) and lighting and have a true artiste 'will' take five photographic shots to make your mother weep. Then send one to Infomatics next time you bring in an order and watch your popularity soar. (Freephone 0800 634 5555)

22. Put it all on black. Go for double or quits in Las Vegas but pre-pay your hotel bill just in case. You can gamble all day and all night and when you tire return to the sumptuous luxury of a Vegas hotel room. Choose between an immense Egyptian pyramid (the Luxor), a giant replica of New York City (New York New York) or debauched Ancient Rome (Caesar's Palace). Call Virgin Holidays on 01293 562944

23. Star maker. You can't buy stardom but you can pay for a star to be named after you. A romantic or highly egotistic gesture is called for. To register your own star costs #55.Call the International Star Registry Freephone 0800 212493.

24. Be a diamond geezer. Remember diamonds are forever and you can be any sex, any age and have any reason to buy the one you love most (i.e. yourself) a ludicrously expensive sparkler. Try calling The Diamond Line on 0115 9708388 for a catalogue of ideas and prices. They will also give you a list of your local stockists.

25. Retire.

That's how big your bonus is, right?

HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF DECEMBER

1) Come into office (late) carrying two large black coffees

2) Put feet up on desk

3) Open December issue of Infomatics

4) Read the spending suggestion for the day

5) Spend a decent amount of time daydreaming about the large pile of cash that is your end of year bonus and the world of exciting possibilities it can open up for you

NB: Keep Infomatics open on your lap. This will give the impression to passing colleagues that you are looking for a new job, word will get around and your Christmas bonus will be immediately doubled.