A brand new WongCorp

More details on our exciting demerger with what was, until last week, WongCorp, and will now be called Stubbins Limited. Mr Stubbins has asked SourceCo to supply the IT needs of his organisation, which must have been a hard decision for him, as he has been forced to go to SourceCo and ask for direct replacements. SourceCo, realising that it was unlikely that it could hold such meteors as my IT manager Gary and my Australasian PA Kylie, has agreed to let go those of us who have transferred to New WongCorp. It will be hard to leave SourceCo, especially for the 30 employees who possess share options that were about to vest, but I am sure that having a stake in New WongCorp is ample compensation.

'Memo to all staff: the change in our status creates certain branding problems. Until our demerger is complete at the end of the month, the combined organisation will be known as WongCorp Classic, our arm as New WongCorp. After the demerger, we will revert to being called WongCorp, as we won't be new any more, and WongCorp Classic will cease to exist, although it should be used next month in correspondence relating to the events of this month. As I will no longer work for SourceCo, from next month Mr Vincent Wong of SourceCo will henceforth refer to my father.

I am now Mr Vincent Wong of New WongCorp, but next month I will become Mr Wong of WongCorp. However, as WongCorp Classic employs SourceCo, Mr Vincent Wong of WongCorp today may refer to either of us. So to avoid confusion, please refer to my father as Mr Wong Classic, and myself as Mr New Wong, until next month when we both become Mr Wong. You may also refer to me as Vincent, which should cause little confusion, as I believe that it is a SourceCo disciplinary offence to refer to my father by his first name.'

The demerger has given us the opportunity to look afresh at our priorities: first on the list is to find a new headquarters. Our current office does not have access to WongCorp classic facilities such as toilets and electrical power and has a negative impact on staff retention. The latest departure is Gloria, who has decided that her experience cleaning WongCorp's telephones is not a suitable qualification to take charge of the chemical toilets we had delivered last week. I worry for her future employment, but as I told the other members of staff, the chemical toilet issue shows that we must all roll up our sleeves and deal with the job in hand - whatever that may be.

itdept@wong.compulink.co.uk.