Seven-year itch

In the doghouse

An elderly couple living in Florida were so worried about the millennium bug that they withdrew their $20,000 savings from the bank and buried it under their dog's kennel. Unfortunately, the money was stolen.

Is this a true story? US banks seem to think so and have been peddling it around UK newspapers, television stations and radio stations. The message is: your money will be safer in a bank. Trouble is, no one seems to be able to track down the couple in question. We suspect propaganda from the banks. Still, the message is clear: Don't bury your money under a kennel! What is wrong with under the bed?

Back_Bytes@vnu.co.uk. SourceCo's charity case

As Comic Relief approaches this year, the focus swings to us to see what we do for charity. One aspect of our employer SourceCo which is rarely noticed is its strong support for international charities.

Indeed, many people would choose only to see the prices charged for our missile guidance systems, but ignore the fact that they act, for example, as an incentive for the citizens of a small Third World nation to pay their taxes every year. Taxes that are used to buy much needed food distribution management software from SourceCo Europe, the Middle East and Africa Logistics Division.

Whatever we decide to do for Comic Relief this year, I certainly hopes it beats last year's idea of selling anti-glare monitor filters with red noses glued on the middle. Although several of our temps stayed up late into the night attaching the noses, they blocked the view of the middle of the desktop when the filters were fitted.

Ironically, our warehouse - which spiritedly fitted a filter to every screen - experienced the most productive month of its existence, despite the fact that it must have been impossible to use Wong for Warehouses, our custom-built stock management application.

'We could sponsor days off work,' my deputy Gary suggested. 'We each take a number of days working from home, and pay a fine of #1 each per day.' He produced a bundle of #10 notes. 'I'm afraid I don't have any change,' I said. 'You won't need it,' he replied.

The office is quieter today, having collected 'absentee fines' from everyone in the staff except Derek on the helpdesk, who unfortunately fell asleep and missed his chance - and myself. I'm pleased that our charity effort has raised so much money and achieved a positive management benefit, with so many staff teleworking. Our admin assistant Kylie is literally working from home today, having paid #20 for four weeks off to fly back to Surfer's Paradise.

We have stiff competition within SourceCo for the best Comic Relief activities following the decision by SourceCo's Glasgow office to charge admission to its 'bonfire night' where they will burn an effigy of my father, SourceCo's chief executive. Apparently they have sold several thousand tickets, which is an excellent effort considering that the Glasgow office will be closing at the end of the month. It's a tribute to my father's leadership that he can inspire people to pull together.

itdept@wong.compulink.co.uk. To infinity

The most disturbing story in the Chronicle must surely be the 'news' that in 2010 a new operating system called Infinity created by a 27-year-old Russian has become 'the software innovation of the decade'. Infinity 'is already being hailed as the successor to the aged Windows operating system', the news story tells us. Now where have we heard that before? Hair today

Readers of the Sunday Times will have been appalled by the news story in last weekend's edition. 'Multibillonaire Bill Gates last night won a state court victory in which it was decided that a child cloned from one of his hairs need not inherit his empire,' it began. The story went on to describe Gates' affair with Seattle geneticist 'Miss X' who subsequently cloned herself a son. Never fear, it's all part of a section in the newspaper called Chronicle of the future, and is set in 2010. If the Sunday Times asks for a comment now, then Gates' office will probably find a spokesman just in time for the story to break for real. Let's be Avenue

Our best example yet of a company attempting to give itself extra time to solve the year 2000 problem comes from an anonymous trainee solicitor this week. He forwards us a letter that his company received from software supplier Avenue Legal Systems. The letter enclosed 'a program of advice and assistance' for its users.

'Please read carefully,' the letter implores. Perhaps Avenue might take its own advice, as the letter says 'every organisation that has a computer system needs to identify the problems, quantify the work which is required, and then resolve the issue before 31 January 2000'. More submissions please! Bunker tales

As if grown-up comedy cartoon South Park hadn't caused enough trouble already. Now Electronic Arts has had to recall 100,000 copies of Tiger Woods 99 PGA Tour for the PlayStation because it contains a tasteful scene from South Park in which Santa Claus has a scrap with Jesus.

Electronic Arts said the file was used as a 'filler' during development and was never erased. Don't despair if instead of one of the funniest cartoons on the planet you only have a boring golf game - you can download the clip from your nearest South Park web site. And well worth it, we say. Touching gesture

We got into lots of trouble recommending web sites a couple of weeks ago, but we never learn our lesson. We are pleased to pass on the URL of a web site discovered by Adrian Hales at Oracle, which will bring a particular smile to all Monty Python fans. 'Check out the personal services offered by the mayor,' he recommends. Why are you surfing Japanese web sites? asks Backbytes. (The mayor's page is at www.city. susono.shizuoka.jp/e-susono /indexE.html). Rocky returns

Early returns from our poll over whether or not Microsoft's Office Assistant dog Rocky should be drowned in a bucket show a surprising burst of approval for the Rocky Lives camp. But the Rocky Dies vote is catching up. Final tallies next week, and polls close this Friday at noon. Power trip

Jay Ayliff responds to our request for sob stories from those who have to work on 31 December. He has no intention of working, he says. 'When customers ask if you'll be onsite to support their system over the millennium weekend, I reply: 'Why bother? The power will be off anyway.' Action replay

Michael Helm writes from Rusholme to inform us that further to our reports on football club ISPs, Burnley FC has been an ISP for a couple of months already. To think, we didn't even notice on the highlights we saw. Cash in hand

Spongers might be better off approaching Mark Hunter - founder of Axon - who will make 30 times the earl's inheritance when his company floats next month. According to The Daily Telegraph, Hunter doesn't know what he will do with his cash.

'I have earned #2.5 million to #3 million in the past three to four years and I have not spent that,' he said, revealing that he has considered a yacht - but he can't sail. 'I probably need to meet the right woman to spend it,' he said. We may have quite a few female candidates reading this column, and we know a fair few men who could give him a helping hand spending the #30 million too. Please contact us with your suggestions, and we'll forward the best ones.