Holy trinity's mad for it

Having our work experience intern Julian on-site means we can really give him a taste of where data warehousing, customer intelligence and knowledge management is taking us.

With WongCorp being a household name, it?s very important we have our data in the right hands, which is why we?re organising an off-site meeting to make sure the customer intelligence on the Wong Mark III Special Edition is up to scratch.

Henry will not be able to make it this time. His short-term memory having deserted him, he has taken to dressing in the styles that I am told were very ` la mode in 1973. Even in our department, where the occasional Grateful Dead T-shirt still makes an appearance in the Cobol labs, his loon pants stand out.

It has also restricted his (admittedly limited) usefulness. Being clad entirely in nylon, he has a tendency to blow up any circuitry he touches.

However, because he has no idea who I am at the moment, Henry has become much more affable towards me, and has stopped sending abusive email.

Another unexpected advantage is that our work experience students have rather taken to him. They now consider my IT manager some sort of fashion icon, and have started badgering him to sell them his pills.

Our weekend away started with a series of presentations. The brand manager was especially thorough. Our target customer is apparently someone called ?Mad-for-It Mike?. The brand manager told us that ?Live-fast Loretta? would provide significant pull and that below-the-line spend would be targeted at a person called ?Sand-Sex-Surf Steve?.

I asked whether it was worth widening the target market because three customers weren?t going to make much of a dent on our #1.6 million R&D spend. ?Probably more than bought the Mark II,? said Julian under his breath. He?s obviously spent more time with Henry than I thought.

?To conclude,? the brand manager said at the end of the meeting, ?we want you in the IT department to find Loretta and deliver her.? I had no idea that we had invited one of our future customers to the hotel with us!

I called reception and told them that the marketing group wanted Live-Fast Loretta delivered to the boardroom because they needed a pull. Instead, they sent the manager. She?s obviously unavailable, so I hope we can survive with two customers.