Wong: a man of the people

At WongCorp we invest in our people. Other companies prefer to buy new computers or fanciful office items, but we like to think our money is better spent on the people who would use them. Or, in our case, not use them!

Only today I insisted we send back a wastefully expensive orthopaedic office chair, which someone seems to have ordered by telephone. Instead, I have purchased a set of mirrors to be strategically placed around the Portakabin. On the mirrors it says: 'You're looking at the person in charge of making sure you do your best'.

We also have a large banner which reads: 'At WongCorp we don't let things get on top of you.'

We tried putting it up in the Portakabin yesterday, but it fell on the server rack and made it collapse. We'll put it up again in the new office, when Kylie has managed to repair the hinges.

Cynics like to criticise the 'Investors in People' (IIP) initiative, but anyone who has seen it in action can have no doubt that here is a scheme that could have been made for WongCorp.

It's lucky that we inherited the IIP consultants during the demerger, although I gather that one of them has since gone on sick leave following a nasty incident with some loose wires and the photocopier while he was copying at 2am.

Others say that IIP is all based around paper questionnaires and forms, but as I told the photocopier repair man, that's only one of the good things about it.

The responses to my questionnaire ('Managing Your Expectations at WongCorp') show just how happy everyone is with the way I run the company. I'm relieved they nearly all returned their forms, because as they knew, I'm far too busy working out our new bonus scales to be chasing bits of paper!

Sadly only Gary, my previously able deputy, has not filled in his form.

I intend to tell him how disappointed I am, but it seems he has called in sick for the last three days.

Usually I would have noticed almost immediately, but I have been so busy sorting out our 'Investors in People' logo for the web site that I clean forgot about him.

Last thing I heard, he was busy investigating a faulty bracket under the server racks to help us put our banner up, and now it appears he has a back problem.

'Has my chair arrived yet?' he asked me when I called.

'Your trusty old chair is exactly where it has always been,' I reassured him. 'But now you have a beautiful new mirror next to it too.'

Make no mistake: Vincent Wong is a people person.

itdept@wong.compulink.co.uk