The Paul Bray Perspective - Down with progress

Dear Sir Peter Bonfield, I am very concerned about BT's TV advertising campaign, which features some uppity nipper nagging her parents to spend less time flying, driving cars, attending meetings, felling trees and so on.

This is highly seditious, and I demand that you withdraw the offending commercials post haste. I know what you're up to. You're trying to persuade people to make more use of your phones and networks so that your company can rake in more dosh.

This blatant self-interest has got to stop, before it ruins my quality of life, that of my family, and of all shareholders in motor manufacturers, airlines, oil companies and forestry firms - who just happen to include yours truly.

Take flying. The invention of powered flight ranks as one of mankind's finest achievements. So what if business people could just as well use video conferencing instead? Do small children aspire to be video-conference operatives when they grow up? Of course not. They want to be airline pilots or cabin stewards. How dare you try to wreck the dreams of a generation!

And don't be taken in by all this twaddle about environmental damage. There are loads of pretty villages in the UK. So what if a few get covered in concrete to build new runways? That's progress for you. And if people don't like living under a flight-path, they should just buy a weekend cottage. I did, and very relaxing it is, too.

Personally, I enjoy travelling on business. It makes people think I'm important (which, just between you and me, I'm not). It also allows me to stock-up on duty-free fags and meet interesting people - and not always in brothels, either.

My family also like it when I travel - not because I bring them presents, but because I'm an obnoxious sod and they're glad to see the back of me for a week. You wouldn't catch my daughter rabbiting on about the virtues of email and groupware, I can tell you.

I don't agree with you on car-driving, either. I think childhood asthma is nature's way of weeding out the weak and sickly who'll only be a burden on the taxpayer in later life. And everyone knows ozone is good for you. Why else would people go to the seaside?

As a shareholder in every major oil company (except the ones with interests in Nigeria, of course), I don't want my dividends reduced just so that some bunch of oiks in off-the-peg suits can enjoy more time at home with their families. Before we know it people will be arguing for a minimum wage, paternity leave and employment rights for part-time workers.

I admit that commuting can be pretty unpleasant at times. Even first-class rail travel is no joke, and I should know. But cancellations and traffic jams provide the perfect outlet for people's natural aggression. Think of the awful prospect if there was no road rage. We'd be faced with supermarket rage, email rage, sitting-quietly-in-the-garden-with-a-laptop rage. I say keep bad temper where it belongs: behind the wheel.

As to BT's views on working late, I couldn't agree more. I make a point of being out of the office by 4.30pm. But as to 'working late' (nudge, nudge), my secretary wouldn't be half so much fun by email.

Finally, I object to your lectures on cutting down trees and wasting paper. Fir trees are a lucrative cash crop for dozens of absentee landlords - including my own company.

If everyone worked in a paperless office all those Scottish hillsides would be covered in nothing but sheep and bearded wellie-wearers tramping about admiring the scenery. Where's the profit in that? So, on behalf of all rich, arrogant, self-important profligates, I demand that we hear no more of this nonsense about better ways of working. A tax on all your windfalls!

Yours disgustedly, Paul Bray.