All of you who wrote to express solidarity with the Telegraph Six ? the crossword compilers who were in danger of being replaced by a computer ? will be pleased to know that the plans to get rid of them have been shelved. ?One must listen to readers,? said Telegraph editor Charles Moore. ?They are more likely than anyone else to be right.? He has obviously not read some of the email we get here.

Confidence trick

Dixons bought the Byte chain of superstores last week ?to demonstrate its confidence in the future of the PC business?. Which is why it is closing 13 of the 16 stores immediately.

Porno kings

This week, we have a new pair of Internet-porno-councillor cases for you. A councillor in Scotland was allegedly disciplined by the Labour group last week for accessing pornography at work. Meanwhile, four councillors from the north of England have been questioned by police for the same reason. If anyone can supply us with the name of a local council at which none of the councillors is under investigation for accessing pornography, let us know and we will investigate why not.

You have the key

Trials are beginning at Segaworld to find out whether computer games can teach surgeons the co-ordination skills required for keyhole surgery. Later, they?ll need humans to practise on, so if you have three lives, please email us. If you?re still alive at the end of the operation, the surgeon gets a bonus.

Sinking feeling

Computing?s pilgrimage to the inner sanctum of government came to an untimely halt last week. Six reporters on their way to the office of David Clark, the cabinet minister responsible for public-sector year 2000 plans, found themselves trapped in a ministerial lift for 30 minutes and missed their appointment.

Rumours of a premature bug strike were swiftly dispelled ? it seems the Cabinet Office lifts break down regularly and the nearest engineer was trapped in an effort to fix another lift. Given the prevalence of mechanical failure at the Cabinet Office, Backbytes advises ministers to take the strictly low-tech stairs.

Verse in time

Following the runaway success of our recent limerick competition, Backbytes has shifted dramatically upmarket to bring you a new and even more intellectually challenging competition.

All you have to do is cobble together a haiku error message. Haiku, of course, is an epigrammatic form of verse invented in Japan. Each poem usually has three lines and precisely 17 syllables. Originally, haiku verses were all about nature, angst and that sort of thing and were very profound.

It?s about time haiku was brought into the digital age, so let?s see you produce a few examples. Don?t worry if your efforts include a few extra syllables.

To get you started, here are a few examples of haiku error messages emailed to us recently.

A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.

First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies So beautifully.

Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.

A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek Cannot be located, but Endless others exist.

We?ll give you a couple more examples next week, but you can start sending in your handiwork today. The best verses will receive a bottle of Chateau Backbytes, or something equally appropriate.