It’s happened to all of us. The boss comes bouncing up, having just read some wonderful magazine article on the next big thing and has happily transformed the business before you have even managed a sharp intake of breath.

So what do you do? Cruelly dash their hopes with an immediate, “No, don’t be daft?” Comply with their wishes despite your misgivings of imminent disaster? Or is there a third option?

Robert Myatt, head of research at business psychologist Kaisen Consulting, believes there is.

“Start the conversation on a positive note by acknowledging that there are some merits in the logic of their thinking, in their passion or their expertise,” he says.

“But assert the point that you don’t agree with the approach, theory or idea. Then present the reasons why you disagree in a pithy, punchy, logical way and provide three points of supporting evidence.”

Three is the magic number here because more than that and people will tune out, but if you just give one reason you leave yourself open to immediate comeback.
Being able to provide a rationale to justify your reservations, however, implies having a clear understanding of the desired outcome. As a result, it is important to be aware of the context of the request and to ascertain the underlying business problem that the boss is trying to address as it will affect any subsequent action.

John Robson, chief IT officer at call centre business process outsourcer Sitel, says he sees his role as a consultant. “It’s about saying, ‘I’ve seen what you want to do, but can you tell me the outcome you’d like?’ Then it’s a case of saying, ‘let me take the problem away and try to fix it,’ rather than working to a proscribed solution,” he says.

The approach means that no one feels they have been criticised because, instead, the IT leader is saying they will use their team skills to solve the problem. Such a technique also contributes to building up all-important, but often elusive, trust.

“You can’t lock horns and say ‘you can’t have that’ as it drives people wild,” says Robson. “But if you say ‘trust me to find a way of doing this’, after a while, it becomes implicit. People are trained to say that they want this or that output, which makes them feel as if they’re getting value from IT because someone else is doing all the difficult stuff.”

Ceri Roderick, a partner at occupational psychologists Pearn Kandola, believes that part of the process entails showing empathy with the boss’s situation. “It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing the world through their eyes,” he says. “They may have influences and pressures that you don’t know about that will shape their argument so it’s about understanding the context, but also what makes them tick.”

It is therefore useful to establish, for example, whether your boss likes detailed analyses or whether they prefer big picture overviews and to set expectations.
Do they make quick decisions and take swift action, or do they prefer to ponder and resent being pushed into things? Are they swayed by logic, or is their orientation more towards people-centred value judgements? Such issues will affect the way you interact with the boss and whether you develop - that word again - trust.

“All influencing is based on relationships and trust,” says Roderick. “If you don’t know each other very well, you’re not likely to trust each other much, but the question is whether they see you as an honest broker or someone with a vested interest. If it’s the former, you’re more likely to get a hearing and be listened to.”
Another important factor is being able to communicate in terms that the boss understands rather than in, what may be for them, meaningless technical jargon, says Robson.

"When you get to CIO level, you’re generally talking to people from general or financial management and they’re not necessarily equipped to engage with you in a technical way. So you must give them a means of doing that within their comfort zone and that means talking the language of the business,” he says.

It is also crucial to avoid entering into direct conflict, or permitting emotion to take over the debate. The boss has more power and can just veto your decision. Taking the wrong tack can harm the relationship on a longer-term basis and your opinion of each other will fall.

“It’s very easy to accidentally raise the emotional tempo of an argument if you both feel strongly, but it’s unhelpful to end up in a ‘yes, I did, no, you didn’t’ argument,” says Roderick. “Don’t try to pretend it isn’t happening as that doesn’t help. Instead, acknowledge that you both feel strongly about the situation and ask them to help you understand their thinking.”

Another approach is to take time out or stop the conversation altogether and ask, either yourself or your boss, whether it is possible to approach the issue from a different angle, or to re-address it at another time after you have both cooled down, which will break the negative cycle.

Ultimately, if the final decision goes against you, it is important to present a united front with the boss - whether you have come round to their view or not. Bonita Bryan, a senior consultant at Occupational Psychology Services, says that in a professional situation, it’s not appropriate to tell the boss what to do. “You can make recommendations, but you won’t be able to control them so you may have to work respectfully with decisions that you disagree with,” she says.

Not grumbling behind their back or belittling them to others will be key, instead act in as supportive a fashion as you can. “Creating conflict is not beneficial to collaboration and spreading disharmony can also be professional suicide as it affects staff morale,” says Bryan.

“If the boss has made the decision, the buck stops with them and if you’ve been professional in stating your opinion, it’s they who have to live with the decision.”

Top tips for telling the boss they are wrong

• Understand the context and get to the root cause of the problem by adopting a consultative role
• Find common ground and ascertain any potential barriers to mutual understanding
• Provide answers, not problems, and ensure the boss understands that you are both working towards benefiting the business
• Do not let the conversation move to an emotional level - stay focused on the rational business argument
• Know what makes the boss tick, as understanding their personality will help you respond appropriately
• Avoid personal agendas and adopting religious stances regarding technology - your role is to support the business
• Communicate in terms that the boss will understand, do not blind them with science
  Help them to see how their proposal might impact the wider IT strategy - which they have previously agreed upon
• Know where they source their information and read what they read so that you can pre-empt tricky situations and even say, “hey, have you read this” to build bridges
• Focus on educating the boss on pertinent matters by drip-feeding information so that they will have a broad understanding of the issues

from John Robson, chief IT officer, Sitel